I had Popeye’s last night. NO, I do NOT hate myself! I was hungry, it was late, she was there lookin’ so crispy, spicy, tasty…and I enjoyed it! Washed it all down with two glasses of red wine. I knew the morning bloat was comin’ and I didnt care! I slept in, didn’t run this morning and I know full well my move to LA is 2 weeks away. Two. Weeks. Sunny beach toned bodies everywhere, my NY winter-fat body will join them and soon.
I got into work, my boss complimented me, “you look nice today!” I thought “its gotta be God, if you only knew what I ate last night…”. Back at my desk for some reason I revisited Matt 6:25-33. These verses used to be my mantra back when I was a starving dumb-ass, er, I mean artist back in 2009-2012 (more on that in later posts):
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing? 26 Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? 27 And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? 28 Why do you worry about clothing? Think about how the flowers of the field grow; they do not work or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these! 30 And if this is how God clothes the wild grass, which is here today and tomorrow is tossed into the fire to heat the oven, won’t he clothe you even more, you people of little faith?31 So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ 32 For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.34 So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.”
More and more compliments came in on my appearance. I work at the US office of a fashion designer on 5th Avenue in NYC, compliments mean you ACTUALLY look good. I was bewildered. I didn’t work out this morning, I ingested probably 1000 calories after 10 pm and I’m being praised over and over. Then it hit me: I do not have to worry about what I eat.
I’m a child of God, now granted these verses do not give me carte blanche to go on a donut-spree, BUT I do eat pretty healthy regularly, I do work out on occasion, why am I so fearful of my late night edible “Fall-from grace”? I’m afraid of being fat but why? So I unpacked that a bit and deep down I discovered I’m afraid of dying alone.
Wait, what? You went from a plate of fried chicken to dying alone? Yes I did. I thought “well, if I give into this craving tonight, I’ll give into it the next night and the next night, then I’ll be obese and I’ll never get married and I’ll die alone”. Ho-Ly-SH#@! Thats crazy! First off there are plenty of fat people who get married and second off you’re crazy (thats Holy Spirit speaking up).
I used to think those verses meant “Don’t worry, you won’t starve to death”. But I found myself worrying about getting fat and the effect of unhealthy food on the body in terms of image. My thought pattern last night was “if I eat this piece of fried chicken I’ll have to run 5 miles and eat only vegetables the next day otherwise I’ll be fat and undesirable to guys”.
Then I came back to this passage. God will not only calm my unhealthy cravings but what I eat has nothing to do with what guy I will attract. I was just scared of my cravings. But I told God and He answered me. I had a grapefruit, banana with peanut butter and honey for breakfast this morning and I feel satiated, alert, and if I keep it up I’ll have clear skin, healthy digestion etc.
Pursue His kingdom AND righteousness and all these things (sanity) will be given to you as well. 🙂