You Control How Much Fear Affects You.


I woke up terrified. “Did I just make the dumbest f*ckin mistake of my adult life to date?” I only have a week’s stay planned out in LA, NO idea where I’m living/working in June. These thoughts crash into my semi-sleep state, not giving my conscious self a chance. My room is packed, the flight is booked, the last day at my Manhattan fashion job was yesterday. My Brooklyn paradisal “made-it” life was coming to a close, and fast – my flight was in 3.5 hours.

I get up, the only tasks left are to pack my curtains and my shower towels left out to dry from the night before. Put on my comfy airport uniform (leggings, sports bra, t-shirt and flexy ballet flats). Thoughts of “what if this was all a mistake? what if you get back to LA and land on your face” play on repeat. Oddly, so does Prince of Peace by Hillsong United. See, I started packing the NIGHT before (yes, judge me) and I hit a wall 2 hours in so I pre-ordered Empires. That song on repeat pushed me over my packer’s block and got my entire life suitcased up in a lil less than 6 hours. There IS a God.

I decide to play Prince of Peace again,  even though mentally it was in my head so loud, like there were spiritual speakers cranked up to 11 in my room. My stomach’s in knots. I know I need to eat because of the heavy bags and day of travel ahead. My feet hit the pavement in front of my gorgeous row house and these words just come to me: “you know, you control how much fear affects you”.

I stop. Then I step forward, a pep in my step. That truth drowns out fear because 1. I know I’m a loved daughter of God (Romans 8:37-39), 2. I know all my needs are already known and 3. all my needs are already met (Matt 6:25-33). As the song ends (I have iTunes on repeat Artist) With Everything from the white album (EDM-ish worship from United) starts and I’m nearly skipping to Mr. Kiwi for my $3 small fresh squeezed juice.

I pay the cashier, he scribbles something on the receipt and I give it to the juice gal, and pick out my blend of yummy nutritious goodness. She then puts the green- purple – orange health swirl into a LARGE cup! But I only paid for a small! I was grateful, I needed the extra nutrients.

I skipped back to my apt, thanked God for the extra juice blessing, and moved the heavy bags downstairs. My car service arrives. I still have no clue how I’m gonna lug all this stuff around all day but now the driver helps me put it all into the sedan. I get a text: I have a free place to stay for the entire month of June.

Not just any place – a gorgeous bungalow 2 blocks south of Runyon Canyon!! I almost cry out in the back seat of the cab but curb my enthusiasm so I don’t frighten the driver. I get to the airport praising God so hard core in my heart, Southwest totally helped me with the check-in process of my life’s possessions, and I’m just so grateful, not just that God came through (He ALWAYS WILL) but that He came through AFTER I reinstated my trust in Him. Lets see how else He COMPLETELY blows my mind….


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