Horney Christian: Why are you not dating?

 Last night I went out to the Hi Hat music industry soft opening and ran into a fella I havent seen since like four Coachellas ago. He gives me an exubriant hug, exclaims that he saw me across the room ’bout an hour ago but thought I still lived in New York. We catch up on things, talk about mutual friends, he lets me know he’s not dating the gal he was when we were in touch, that he dated a girl after her and is not dating anyone now. He’s also starting his own business blah blah blah insert adulting-speak here. Now its my turn to update him on the Tmay haps of the last four years (move back to LA, music, music, music, music, music, moved to Silverlake). 

He asks who im dating, I say no one. He asks why, I say “men don’t like me very much.” He tells me thats not true, like that CANNOT be true. Pause-
Now anyone who’s in my life on the day-to-day knows that no men, and i mean NONE are barking up the Tmay tree. What does this guy think? That im just turning down dates left and right? No, not at all, and it doesnt bother me. What bothers me is this guy’s utter non-belief that im not dating because I’m not being pursued. Un-pause-

He then asks did I date someone and did they totally fuck me over so that now Im not dating. Again I say no. I tell him Im happy, emotionally healthy but guys do not ask me out and Im a woman so im not gonna chase men. He’s still not satisfied but I dont care. Im three complimentary wines deep and the music is good, my friends are all around, its a good night. I then tell him the last boyfriend I had I was 27. He goes “how old are you now?” I’m already wound up for the pitch, “33”, I say with a huge grin. 

I love talking to people who demand answers and the ones I give do not satisfy. I RELISH in it.

He gets my Facebook, asks if im goin to Coachella this year, turns out we’re both goin Weekend 1. In hindsight I guess it feels GOOD to know that a marginally attractive straight man couldnt BELIEVE im single and for such a long time. The strangest take-away was I’m okay with it, why wasn’t he?

Til next time….



The Horny Christian: A Tinderella Story 

Not much to report this week. I’m a simple gal. When I’m not doin back bends in the sun, I like strummin’ guitar, sippin tea and trollin Tinder.

It’s been four days since I’ve subscribed to the service and while I’ve acquired a myriad of matches, still no dates. Which shouldn’t and doesnt come as a surprise. 

While I do not have any romantuc exploits to report I will say this: I know how to own a bar/party when I enter a room, shared a steamy kiss with a tall very attractive gentleman last Saturday night, and well, Ima see how I do this weekend. I have so many social activities lined up, lets see if I can score a date via human on human, aka, the old fashioned way.

Cuz damnit – I still got it.

Til next week….

I’m Christian, I’m horny as hell, so I’m gonna try Tinder.

Folks, hello. Been awhile since my last post so let me bring you up to speed.

Everything in LA is different than NYC but I’ve adjusted. Church is different, work, play, everything. I’m more fit, I’m making more money (Hallelujah!) and the 3 singles off my album are 75% done. Things are lookin up like crazy! Oh, and I have a place to live, great roommates in Franklin Village, my lil Oasis in this sea of LA paradise randomness. And I’m horny as hell.

They always said (they, being the general female public) that bein in your 30s, something happens and all of a sudden your sex drive goes thru the roof. Well I thought I was the exception cuz yes, I get randy at times but being the steadfast Christian I could normally assuage regular-grade horniness with songwriting. Now, that is not the case.

Sometime last month, I dunno, I blame the supermoon, new Hulk-strength “feels” have taken over and no amount of worship, iBethel TV, Hillsong Collected blogs can stabilize it. I’m in uncharted emotional territory.

I did meet a guy recently who I thought could meet my base relational (sexual) wants & needs but ive given up on him, he’s not ready for this jelly. Actually I think my intensity scared him which is fair because im insane.

So now it seems im goin to the other extreme with Tinder. My friend just texted sayin to try okcupid instead which, I will probably back down and do. As much as I want to I cant stomach random stranger sex, as much as I’d like to. So this article is probably me calling bullshit on myself.

But who knows? So afterwork today when im enroute to Santa Monica for the free Tuneyards show on the pier I’m gonna download Tinder and actually (try to bring myself) to meet up with at LEAST one guy. And then I’m gonna blog about it.

Stay tuned…… 




My birthday’s tomorrow and last year it fell on a Thursday. I had recently made Hillsong NYC my home church and I’d been to TMNGHT 2 or 3 weeks in a row. They decided to have whats called “Team Night Social”,  TMNGHT at a bar. Now THAT’S a group I can be apart of 😉

I hadn’t told my old church I was switching. No, I did, in an email to the Pastor and Worship Pastor but I didn’t say anything to anyone else. How do you do that? How do you say “What you’re doing doesn’t work for me, I feel like a stranger and I”ve been goin here for like a year” So I didn’t say anything.

I decided to have my bday party at Team Night Social because I was still in the beginning stages of being a Hillsonger and I didn’t want to disrupt the Thurs night new-friend flow. I announced that my birthday’s at Berry Park and invited my “friends” from my old church and of course my Hillsong Connect group.

It was splendid! Someone brought me cupcakes, a balloon, flowers and the night was exquisite. The next week, after work, instead of killing time at the vintage shop on 3rd Ave, I came to TMNGHT at 6pm to volunteer. Only because I was tired of walking around aimlessly for 90 min between work and when they’d open doors. Little did I know this was the start to me volunteering every week.

I would sing as I hung fairy lights and people would say “oh you should meet Blaze (Creative Pastor at the time), you should sing on the worship team”.  That sounded like the biggest, best dream/opportunity/excitement I could ever have. When Blaze came back from Australia a few weeks later I was so happy to meet him however the conversation was awkward.

I put on my Teena-May-Signature smile and introduced myself by all the instruments I could play. Blaze, thinly masking frustration said “…Tell. Me. Your. Name.” I stopped. He didn’t give 2 bleeps about what I could do, he wanted to know who I was. I didn’t really have much to say.

Obviously I wasn’t ushered into Hillsong worship leading and I went back to hanging fairy lights. I would think “they have no idea who I am. I can sing like an angel, worship lead like no one’s business, ugh I’m being completely ignored!” And every week I”d greet everyone who’d come in, welcome them to TMNGHT, serve snacks, water and lemonade with genuine joy.

I was so happy. Months went by, the once burning desire to be on stage with a mic faded. On Sundays I was in the choir and even on stage, with that pack of fierce warriors my favorite times were between services, hugging, laughing, sometimes crying with those men and women, celebrating their victories, mourning their losses and just encouraging them to live in their heavenly identity.

Pretty soon, I was “2nd in command” of the TMNGHT Connections team. Whenever Leah, my leader, was running late or had to miss, I would step up and take charge of the team. I’d run the team meeting, pick out a bible verse, pray and encourage the volunteers, reminding them what we’re really doing for and its kingdom importance.

I felt so much joy being in choir on Sundays and on Thursdays serving the connections, venue design team that whenever anyone else would say “you should be up there singing” I would smile and respond, “if I was supposed to be, they’d ask me. God speaks to them too.” I didn’t loose interest, but I had such a big “YES” in my life and I learned the people in charge are the people in charge for a reason. Their leadership is my protection, they see the big picture, just trust and go with that flow.

Things were changing (as is a beautiful constant with Hillsong NYC) it was the end of the year and it was announced TMNGHT was on hold for 6 weeks for musicians trainings. What in the WORLD am I gonna do for SIX WEEKS without my beloved TMNGHT? I did play instruments but I didnt want to be in the band, I wanted to serve snacks with my friends and encourage people. I decided well, I’m not gonna sit at home, I’ll just train on keys since I”ve been playing piano since I was a small child.

The trainings were great. I met new friends, it even re-sparked my interest into electronica as I learned Mainstage (music software). So at home I would open both Mainstage and Logic, play with the sounds and start writing songs that way, as well as on acoustic guitar.

At last it was February, musician’s training was coming to an end and simultaneously my leader was stepping down. She got new job and couldn’t do Thursdays. When she told me tears welled up in my eyes. I knew this was the end of “Leah-Teena” talk /walk times to the train. And no more boisterous Leah laughs when I’d say something stupid while setting up. She asked me if I wanted to lead. My heart was 50% excited, 50% ???

I dunno, I wasn’t comfortable with THAT much responsibility at that time. It wasn’t a question of whether I could, but if I should. Also Zach (leader) didn’t reach out to me about it.

Vision Sunday was upon us and its a BIG to-do. At Heart & Soul night they announced Hillsong NYC would have two Manhattan campuses! And a bunch of other fun stuff. So it made sense, the 6 weeks was to train up new people to fill out more worship teams.

I still heard nothing of TMNGHT’s return, then Zach emailed saying Tara, his wife was gonna take Leah’s position. My brain was like “you should be upset, you’ve been there every week, you know the job” but my heart had peace and joy so, I went with that. Cuz love is better.

I visited LA end of Feb/beginning of March just to get the hell outta NYC cold-death winter. I scheduled 3 days but stayed 6 (not my fault, the storm kept me there) and it changed EVERYTHING. My heart, my destiny, all that (more on later posts).

I got back and knew I was gonna move back to LA. Didn’t know how but it all made sense. Had they tapped me to lead, how hard would it be for me to say “DEUCES!!” 3 months later? I woulda shut the LA-door before it even had a chance to open.

Now I have to say goodbye, to all of it. To my closest friends, the ones who saw my spiritual transition week by week, to laughin, singing, and sayin “welcome to Team Night!” to everyone as they come in the door. To hearing Davs and the team’s I N C R E D I B L E knowledge mic-drops that totally melt your brain. To the most fantastic worship team ever. To my NYC chapter.

OBVS I’ll be back to visit but tonight will be the hardest goodbye I’ll give. And I don’t want to, I wanna take everyone with me.

“Whatchu lookin’ at CALENDAR??!!!”

  This is my last weekend as a Brooklynite. Its 9am-ish and im layin in bed scrollin through last night Instagrams. And I have TWO more raukus days ahead of me. As my last weekend its gotta be big, its gotta be bold, I mean i gotta cram in all the festive “g’byes” to everyone.  

Its actually quite nice being this loved. Ive carved out enough time to rest & rejuvinate between activites, for example today I’m not leaving my bed til 1pm. 

Normally I dont go out on Friday nights but last night was worth it. I almost bailed but Im glad I got to say “so long! Farewell!” To the Hillsong NYC FNL team. They’re effin golden and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. (And by fight I mean just give you the stink-eye, then pray for you 😉